Future Is The Children

*Attention readers: Recently a fellow blogger, named Addman, asked what would it cost to guest post on my blog. I told him that a hundred dollars should take care of it. He thought that seemed a little steep, but agreed. So I sent him a hundred dollars, and he sent me the following post. Please give him a warm, Hill Blocks View, welcome. 


Today, I come bearing some grave, atrocious, terrible news; the economy is in the crap.

I understand that this may come as an immense shock to you so I’ll give you a few seconds to collect yourselves...done? Good, now make sure you’re sat down because the revelations are only going to get more astounding as we continue.

To prove my point, I’d like you to take a glance out of the window right now. See those people passing by? Statistics say that 96% of those people are jobless. That guy on the right near the mailbox is an ex headteacher who hasn’t eaten in 2 weeks. Soon enough, he won’t be able to regurgitate enough food for his chicks, condemning them all to starvation. That teenager over there hasn’t managed to buy fresh trainers since his mother was made unemployed. If this continues, his stale shoes could cause his feet to become gangrenous, forcing him to gnaw off his own leg to prevent further infection.

Why is this happening? It’s because the world has become too complicated, what with all the exchange rates, quantitative easing, polyhedrons and stuff. People just cannot navigate this minefield of information, even with Google Maps. Our leaders have introduced extra levels of complexity to make their jobs more exciting, only to discover that they don’t quite know what they’re doing themselves. Rather than backpedal or admit that they’re in over their heads, they simply introduce another convoluted policy, term or idea to try and fix the original mistake. That’s why project managers exist.

But what can we do? After all, the adult world is a convoluted one and to dumb it all down would be admitting our own stupidity as a society. Complexity is what being a grown up is all about. That’s why there’s only one group of people who can sort this all out for us; children.

When I was about five or six I remember walking with my mum up a rather steep hill. It was a hot day, sweltering in fact, and the hill was understandably taking its toll on us. I remember thinking “shouldn’t there be some sort of reward for this? Some sort of payoff for our hard work and effort when we reach the summit”? That’s when I came up with a brilliant plan:

"Mum, when I’m in charge, I’m going to put an ice cream van at the top of every hill."

Kids say the funniest things, right? But if you think about this rationally, it makes perfect sense. By installing ice cream vans at the top of hills, you are generating thousands of jobs in one go. The ice cream industry would flourish, causing other international ice cream manufacturers to flock to your country, which would improve industry and generate more money for government coffers. The government can then sell these state-owned ice cream assets at a profit to confectionary moguls, earning back the money they initially invested and more.

If one child (albeit, a handsome brainy one) can have one awesome idea like that, imagine the gold that is sure to emerge from a toddler think tank. We should set up a branch of government called the Blue Sky Minors. The simplistic nature of children is a perfect antidote to a world spiralling into convoluted chaos. Before we know it, it’ll be Christmas everyday (stimulating the retail markets), and bedtimes will be eliminated (allowing children more time to come up with more ideas in the evening).

I understand if it seems galling to you parents out there who have to answer their inane questions such as “What’s the space under the cooker for?” and “Why do we have chins?”, but sometimes it takes a person who isn’t fully aware of all the facts to come up with a solution.

Think about it. If you were put in a hopeless situation, it’d be easy to give up. You’d weigh up the pros and cons and subconsciously decide that you’re doomed either way, resigning yourself to failure. Children have no such problem, what with their youthful mixture of optimism and ignorance. That’s why I’d support their plans to build an escalator to the moon.

My proposal is to hand over the reins of power to our kids. If children really are the future, it’s time for them to step up to the plate and lead us to prosperity, and possibly chocolate.


Head over to Addman's site, Muppets For Justice (http://muppetsforjustice.blogspot.com/), and read some of his other stuff, it's pretty stinkin' awesome.